The Group

Lesson #9:  Understanding is deeper than knowledge.

During orientation to nursing school, we had many teachers stand before the class and introduce themselves.  One of them made the statement, "nursing school is a long, gruesome journey and you couldn't pay me to go back and do it all over again."

I braced myself for the worst and as it turns out, nursing school has enriched my life in ways I never expected. 

It's really hard to explain the bond you share with your fellow classmates but to describe the friendships I have made within my own circle of nursing school friends is nearly impossible.  I have put this post off for quite some time, trying to gather words that could express the respect, trust, and love I have for Stephen Harms, Brittany Bryant and Amanda Peables. 

It was the very first day when we went to Chili's and I met Stephen.  He was tall, with gorgeous eyes, great hair, and looked just like McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy. So what did I do? I asked if he'd be willing to donate sperm!  Looking back, if I were him, I would have ran in the complete opposite direction.  Oddly enough, he just said, "Ummmmmm.....no? But lets be friends." And so from that day forward, Stephen was my very first nursing school friend. 

Weeks passed, and I'm not quite exactly sure how it happened because I remember being slightly "annoyed" by the girls who were constantly whispering and giggling in the back, but Stephen ended up going to the Student Nursing Association Convention with Brittany and Amanda.  When they came back, Stephen and I went from being best nursing school friends to part of, what we now call, a small gang. 

We have been inseparable ever since.  

We each have our own individual relationships within our group.  They are unique in themselves.  But what makes our group special to me is that when we are all together, we mesh perfectly.  We are all SO different, with almost opposite personalities, but we are such understanding and accepting people that we blend together, almost like we are "the same people." We play off eachothers strengths and help with eachothers weaknesses. 

We are a team in every sense of the word. 

I can honestly say each one of them would have my back in ANY situation.  I can call at 3am for a ride, I can borrow money when I'm broke, tell them any secret, with certainty, they wouldn't tell a soul.  You're lucky in life if you can find that in a friend, but to find it within a group is almost unheard of.

They have been my backbone in this wild, crazy place we call nursing school.  My study buddies, drinking pals, my confidants, my go-to people, my safe haven, my "can always count on", my stress relief, and my best friends.

I never have to filter myself for them. I can be 100% Shauna, flaws and all.  They tell me when I'm being a stubborn, hard-headed, bossy, rude, cranky...they know when I'm PMSing before I even have a chance to say it.  They know when something is bothering me, they know my real laugh and when I'm having a bad day.  

What would be embarrassing for some people to talk about, we talk about on a random Tuesday afternoon for absolutely no reason other than we feel completely comfortable doing so.  I'm certain that if an "outsider" listened to us, they might think we were bat-crap crazy.  And we might be, but we accept that about one another. 

They have made me laugh a lot harder, and smile much bigger. (I have crows feet now and I blame it on them).  We have made more memories in 16 months than I have with some people I've known my entire life. I will carry and cherish the memories we have made for a lifetime.  They have shaped me, changed me and have made me a better individual. 

I am honored to call them my friends.  I am also proud because I know the type of nurses they are going to be.  It would be a privledge to work beside any single one of them.

There are people who know all about you and could tell you any random fact when asked. But there is a big difference in knowing all about someone and understanding them to their core. 

 Keep those people who understand you, they brighten the everyday life. They are what the journey is all about.  They have shown me what it truly means to be connected.

I love you Stephen, Britt and Peabs. Regardless of the changes ahead, y'all are my people and you'll always have a friend in me. 

The Darker Side Of Nursing

Lesson #8: Admire the struggle it simply means to be human.

My nurse said something yesterday that inspired this blog entry.  As we wheeled our ICU patient down to a different floor, she said to her, "I enjoyed caring for you over the past week and I hope to see you again, but next time it should be at Wal-mart buying groceries." My patient thanked her, smiled and said in her Maine accent, "You'll find me at Target."

It got me thinking about how in a few short months, I will be working in a place that everyone on earth wants to avoid visiting.  I've never put much thought into it before, but a hospital is a place that harbors all the emotions in life we try ignore and feelings we try to escape. 

So for the last hour, I started to pay closer attention.  For a moment, I stopped and just looked at things exactly how they were:

I found fear.  When you walk into a room to deliver lab results, there is no denying their world stops for a minute as they hold their breath, waiting for good news.  And if you're lucky,  you get to deliver good news. But sometimes you will have to disappoint them.  I found anger as I listened to family members demand answers from doctors and nurses over the telephone and more anger when another patient realized she no longer had control over her health.  I found regret and guilt as I listened to patients say they wished they had taken better care of themselves.  How they wished they would have spent more time doing things they loved or spent more time with their families. I witnessed embarrassment when a man, who couldn't speak English, didn't make it to the bathroom on time and had to be washed from head to toe by the nurse, who was a complete stranger, and half his age.  I found pain, both physical and emotional.  When a person winces from only trying to sit up in bed by themselves, you realize how much you take for granted and your heart breaks for them as they struggle for their independence.   I found sadness. I literally saw the hope drained out of a granddaughters eyes when she realized what my nurse already knew.  Her grandads fight was nearing an end.

The emotions we find surrounding sickness and death shouldn't be ignored or swept under the rug.  Because we are human, because we know how it feels to be afraid, how it feels to have regret, and how it feels to lose control, we try our best to ease the pain of our patients.

We try and avoid the darker emotions but what we don't realize is those emotions are what fuel our desire to be great nurses and compassionate caregivers.  The darkness is why we try to bring light.