The Darker Side Of Nursing

Lesson #8: Admire the struggle it simply means to be human.

My nurse said something yesterday that inspired this blog entry.  As we wheeled our ICU patient down to a different floor, she said to her, "I enjoyed caring for you over the past week and I hope to see you again, but next time it should be at Wal-mart buying groceries." My patient thanked her, smiled and said in her Maine accent, "You'll find me at Target."

It got me thinking about how in a few short months, I will be working in a place that everyone on earth wants to avoid visiting.  I've never put much thought into it before, but a hospital is a place that harbors all the emotions in life we try ignore and feelings we try to escape. 

So for the last hour, I started to pay closer attention.  For a moment, I stopped and just looked at things exactly how they were:

I found fear.  When you walk into a room to deliver lab results, there is no denying their world stops for a minute as they hold their breath, waiting for good news.  And if you're lucky,  you get to deliver good news. But sometimes you will have to disappoint them.  I found anger as I listened to family members demand answers from doctors and nurses over the telephone and more anger when another patient realized she no longer had control over her health.  I found regret and guilt as I listened to patients say they wished they had taken better care of themselves.  How they wished they would have spent more time doing things they loved or spent more time with their families. I witnessed embarrassment when a man, who couldn't speak English, didn't make it to the bathroom on time and had to be washed from head to toe by the nurse, who was a complete stranger, and half his age.  I found pain, both physical and emotional.  When a person winces from only trying to sit up in bed by themselves, you realize how much you take for granted and your heart breaks for them as they struggle for their independence.   I found sadness. I literally saw the hope drained out of a granddaughters eyes when she realized what my nurse already knew.  Her grandads fight was nearing an end.

The emotions we find surrounding sickness and death shouldn't be ignored or swept under the rug.  Because we are human, because we know how it feels to be afraid, how it feels to have regret, and how it feels to lose control, we try our best to ease the pain of our patients.

We try and avoid the darker emotions but what we don't realize is those emotions are what fuel our desire to be great nurses and compassionate caregivers.  The darkness is why we try to bring light.